he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
