2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
