just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize