how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
