I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
