Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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