Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
