Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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