Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
