he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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