he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
