Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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