If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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