i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
