I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
