I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Randomize