i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it glows. i had to have it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
