once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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