So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
