We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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