Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
