he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
