We're facebook friends in real life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize