Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize