My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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