theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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