Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize