I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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