plz talk dirty to me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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