so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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