; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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