2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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