Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
