I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
