i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
