He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
