woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
