I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
