I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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