FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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