I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
