I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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