I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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