This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
