I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
