if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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