There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
