Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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