I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's shark week go big or go home
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize