In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Acid is not a monday night drug
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
