I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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