I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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