so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
