we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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