I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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