I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He did a backflip because drugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
