i think i have two assholes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
