I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
