i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
