My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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